Twas The Night Before Conference

Blog & website of children's book author Tara Lazar ‘Twas the Night Before  Conference ‘Twas the night before Conference and all through the hotel, Authors were dreaming of merchandise deals with Mattel. The manuscripts were printed with name and website, In the hopes that an agent would find love at first sight. The editors were snoring tucked into their rooms, Knowing before them a day of pitching looms. And while I am too warm, and Corey Rosen Schwartz too cold, We share a king bed because the queen rooms are all sold. Out in the hallway, there arose such a noise, Wouldn’t you know it, it’s the conference’s only two boys. The place is packed with slinky stiletto-heel wearers, ‘Cause style in books means style in fashion is fairer. A kidlit conference is full of women who are hot, Who sell tons of stories while you just want one shot. But we authors are friendly, we certainly don’t bite, We’re not filled with envy, we’re not filled with spite. We will welcome you to our world that’s so crazy, So will editors and film agents who’ve worked with Scorcese. Get out there and network! Polish your pitch to a shine! Relax in the lounge with a smooth glass of wine. A kidlit conference is the place to make a friend, It’s where deals happen ’cause deal-makers attend! But don’t drone for hours about your book’s premise, Talk about your life, your hobbies. Do you play tennis? And don’t just stand there, go mix and go mingle. Don’t stare at the editors like they’re all Kris Kringle. Be yourself and you’ll find that you’ll be an attraction, Don’t croon like Jagger about not gettin’ no satisfaction. Be happy, be cheerful, take crits with salt if need be, Remember we’re here to help you succeed, see? (Excuse the bad meter, I’m not really a poet. Ask Corey the rhyme genius, she really does know it.) And with that I bid you a hearty good luck. Break a leg, do your best, get that writer’s block unstuck. Enjoy yourself for three days and two nights. Happy Conference to all, and to all a good write!